A lot of things changed for me over the past year. A lot of central things (heh, “things”) in my other self’s life got discarded. From work, to home, other work, and critical humans that defined the past few years of this shared life.
2019 was a transition year ( https://shapeshiftmusic.wordpress.com/2018/12/22/triansient-cover-art/ ). Everything around us was transient, impermanent. My other self spent most of the year building things he believe to be important. Not so much with me or making music. He always ends every conversation with “looking forward to <insert whatever they are planning>”. Maybe because he’s obsessed with looking forward and trying to be there.
And maybe that’s where I come in. To be that sort of thing he can use to exhaust whatever the present has. Random. Unorganized. Inexplicable. Constantly changing and never balanced. That’s a usual observation of what the present is and kind of paradoxical thinking if the present is always unbalanced and the present defines the future, looking forward may mean just looking at the same thing. But reviewing these things between the two of us just made us realize why we’re always so attracted to black.
At first we thought it was just about the absence of everything that makes it so appealing to us. And to a degree, yeah. It does calm us down. But it reminding us about the absence of everything makes us more excited than usual because the absence of things shows us what other things can possibly exist. It shows us what we can’t see when there are too many things.
So I guess that’s the transient thing right now. I found my current calm in the absence of everything while my other self looks forward to the things that might exist within it. This is our current home and this is where we are right now. A sable shack where we can continue shifting our shapes and maybe become whatever we need to be.
つづく